i permit you to call me
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
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