I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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