i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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