He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
