your thong is hanging out like whoa
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
