The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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