it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
