It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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