is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
