there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
how does that bad decision feel?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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