I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
