You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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