We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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