Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
