I think i sorta joined a cult last night
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
