Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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