Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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