listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
