Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
