Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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