all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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