Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
