How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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