When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Semen is not good for contacts.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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