I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
