I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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