Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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