someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
