We're like a lot better than the average bears
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
