I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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