I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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