I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
