So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
there is glitter all over my balls
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