I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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