I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
