My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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