So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
