Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
