Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
