the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
