you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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