She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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