I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
