He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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