why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
