Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
