Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
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