We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
