i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
