I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
