Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I am naked and annoyed.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
