Screwed.edu
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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