I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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